It's Not Christmas yet, so Make Sure You Send Your Pal a Birthday Card
For thousands of years, those who are born in November, December, and even January have been forgotten, overlooked and overshadowed, thanks to that attention-grabbing bastard, Jesus Christ also being born around the same time of year (how inconsiderate of him). So this Christmas, why not make an extra special effort and treat your long-suffering winter birthday friend to a lovely birthday card to really make their year.
Look, we don’t blame you, it’s not your fault; it’s easy to get swept up in all the fuss and excitement of putting the decorations up, buying Christmas presents and sending rude Christmas cards, but please, please, please don’t be the dickhead mate that your friends silently resent because you wrap all of their birthday presents in Christmas wrapping paper every year. It may have been funny the first time, but it’s just not nice.
No, it’s not okay to give your pal an all in one rude Christmas card and birthday card, no, it’s not okay to get them a joint Christmas and birthday present, and no, it’s certainly not okay to forget about their birthday altogether. This year strive to be a better friend, just follow our three easy steps and you’ll never forget your mate’s birthday again:
Whether you invest in a physical calendar, a pocket diary, or just use the calendar app on your phone, having a working calendar that you actually use is the first step to being organised, and therefore being the best friend ever. Sit down at the start of the year and fill out all of your friend’s and family’s birthdays, taking the time to note down how old they will be, and you’ll never forget to send someone a birthday card again. Top tip: if you’re a tight cunt, January is the best time to buy a calendar or diary as they are super cheap and many are being sold at clearance prices.
2. Stock up on birthday cards
Just in case you miss a birthday or forget to fill out your trusty calendar, stocking up and bulk buying birthday cards to have in an emergency is the perfect way to get yourself out of a bind. This trick also works for Christmas cards, thank you cards, sorry cards, and pretty much any sort of greetings card that you can think of. Just buy a few extra next time you’re doing your shopping, and just like the boy scouts, you’ll always be prepared.
3. Don’t be a dickhead
Easier said than done, when it comes to making your friends or family members feel special when their birthdays come around, not being a total dickhead is pretty much the key. This includes being nice to them all day, not pranking them, and not calling them names, but just because you can’t be a dickhead, that doesn’t mean you have to stop being funny. Luckily, our ‘Glad your mum didn’t swallow you #happyfuckingbirthday’, ‘Happy anniversary of the day you popped out your mum’s front bottom #happybirthday’, and ‘Happy Birthday Cunt Head’ birthday cards are the ideal way to technically not be a dickhead, whilst still totally being a dickhead on your mate’s birthday. Just think of the pleasure you’ll feel seeing them rip into the envelope, only to be presented with one of these rude birthday cards.
So this year, don’t be a dickhead, make your December birthday friends feel included for once, and splash out on a few birthday cards to let them know you (sort of) care.